11 Weeks: Mojito Time!

I've been craving mojitos since the day before I found out I was pregnant. Should have just waited to POAS until after the weekend ;)

How far along: 11 weeks

Total weight gain: None

Maternity clothes: Bella band, but I desperately need to go shopping. I don't want to stretch out my clothes.

Stretch marks: Not at this point.

Sleep: I don't sleep well when I'm out of town, and then I didn't get home until after midnight on Saturday so I'm still playing catch-up.

Best moment of this week: Good question, it was a very long week. Mostly thanks to the travel. I'm going to go with the Salted Caramel Lattes that they sold at the convention center. Those were A.MA.ZING

Miss anything: Beer

Exercise: Kettlebells and running. It was another lazy weekend because of travel and tiredness. That and the Charlies are sick, so there's been a lot of laying around hoping I don't catch it. My throat is awfully scratchy, though, so it may be too late.

Movement: Nope. Just gas. Which feels the same way.

Food cravings: Let's just say I shouldn't be allowed to shop anymore. I went to Target for the Ghostbusters movie and came home with Life Cereal. Went to Whole Foods for carrots and an onion and came out with pizza for lunch and a bag of the WF equivalent of Golden Grahams.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still can't do leftovers. Poor husband slaved over 40 Cloves and a Chicken on Sunday - I ate it and enjoyed it that evening, but just the thought of eating it again last night made me gag.

Have you started to show yet: Yes, but still trying to hide it at work

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Cranky. Constantly.

Looking forward to: NT Scan next Tuesday! I can't wait to see the Blob again and get the screening results. Hoping that we'll be all set to share with everyone after that. The flip side is that it's also Election Day, which has my anxiety all kinds of ramped up. I'm skeered!

Traveling Blues

I'm out of town for a work conference right now, and not exactly having the time of my life. For starters, I had to leave my house at 3:30 to get to the airport on time. Why so early? The airport I had to fly out of is 2 hours from my house. Why so far? If I flew from the airport closer to my house, I'd be stuck in Minneapolis until Sunday. This was the only way I could get home on Saturday night.

So I left at 3:30 and made the long ass drive. First flight was fine, uneventful, had the whole row to myself to stretch out. Second flight (Detroit to St. Paul) was a train wreck. I had the pleasure of being on a flight with about 100 members of a 55+ travel group headed to Hawaii. Good for them! Except... they couldn't hear the flight attendant's instructions so everything took forever and was delayed. Not just because of the 55+ issue, but because they were worse than a bunch of high schoolers! All giggly and rambunctious and LOUD. It was annoying, but they looked like they were having fun, so I tried to just let it go. It was difficult because I was starving! I only had 15 minutes between flights and the lines at the food places were way too long.

The flight itself finally started, and I thought I was good to go. Not so much. The weather conditions were horrible, so we were bouncing and bumping around the entire time. I've never puked on a plane, but I came very close. Probably because I had an empty stomach. We finally landed in one piece and it took 45 minutes to get OFF the plane, again thanks to the giant travel group. Oh well. At least I got some of those awesome Delta Biscoff cookies.

I used the conference guide to get on the Light Rail, which was fine, except that they neglected to print the directions to the center from the light rail stop. I had a handy dandy map, but it took me a while to find a street sign and then longer to figure out which way the streets were going. All the while, it's 30 degrees and freaking SNOWING. It's a freakish 80 degrees back home, and I'm getting snowed on. Minneapolis is connected by Skyways, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out where an entrance was. I was also accosted by some crazy guy in the street yelling at an invisible foe. It was special.

Finally found my way into the Skyway, but holy cow it's like a freaking corn maze. It took me forever to find my way to the hotel, and when I got there they didn't have the room ready yet, even though I was promised early check-in. At this point, I had been up for 9 hours and eaten four cookies and a fruit leather. I bailed on the first set of conference sessions and enjoyed the tastiest chicken salad bagel sandwich EVER. Plus chips. It was the best tasting food on earth.

Thanks to the hotel issue, I attended the afternoon sessions in yoga pants and my formal coat. Now I'm back in my hotel room on a break, and I need to get dressed. All I want to do is nap, but I had a cup of coffee to warm me up about an hour ago so of course I'm wired. (but it was a salted caramel latte. and it was really freaking tasty. totally worth it)

ANDPLUSALSO, one of the sessions that I really should be at is from 7:15-8:45 this evening. Central Time. WAY past my bedtime. WHO MADE THIS SCHEDULE??

OB Follow-Up

So I had my 10-week appointment with the new OB. I'm not sure how I feel about them. I thought I did a decent amount of research - looked at websites, looked at credentials, asked for recommendations - but I don't know how I feel about this practice. It's a bigger practice, multiple OBs and CNMs, and I only met with one of the OBs, but still. He was nice enough, I just felt like he was incredibly dismissive of my anxiety concerns and somewhat judgemental on some other issues I brought up. I scheduled my NT Scan and the MaterniT21 draw with them for 2 weeks out, but I don't know if I'll continue seeing them or not. I know I need to figure it out before I get too deep into this pregnancy, but I feel like I should at least try the other location and see if I like the rest of the staff any better.

They didn't check for a heartbeat, which I was kind of expecting, since we're only 10 weeks in. I'm impatient, though, and I've been searching since week 8. I finally found it last night! At first I wasn't sure because it was kind of blending in the background of my own, but they were definitely two distinct heartbeats, and C heard it, too, so I know I'm not just imagining things. Whee!

10 Weeks: The Prune

Yay for... prunes? Really, nest? Couldn't have thought of a more attractive comparison?

How far along: 10 weeks

Total weight gain: still none, I think. Now I can't remember where I started, but I'm 99% sure that the first three numbers are still the same.

Maternity clothes: Bella band still holding my pants up, plus I got a ton of clothes from a very sweet friend of mine to get me through until I feel "safe" enough to buy my own. I've never seen that many pairs of maternity jeans in one place outside of a store.

Stretch marks: Not at this point.

Sleep: I stayed out until 10:30 on Saturday night while I was out with friends. It was awesome.

Best moment of this week: The aforementioned GNO! We had dinner at one of my favorite Italian places - they have the best cheesy garlic bread and the Ricotta Fritter dessert is amazing. Yum!

Miss anything: Coffee and yogurt, still. I've moved on to yogurt smoothies so that I can still get the "Live, Active Cultures." If that doesn't sound appetizing, I don't know what does.

Exercise: Nothing new, just continuing with the Kettlebells and the running. Did have a lazy week, last week, but ran on Saturday (mostly so I could justify stuffing my face at dinner), yesterday, and will run tomorrow morning. There's a "Fun Run" at the conference I'm heading to this week, as well.

Movement: Prunes don't have the moves, either.

Food cravings: Cap'N Crunch Berries and bagel sandwiches. I'm annoyed that husband shared my CNCB with the kid. Those were MINE!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything sounds like crap the second time I eat it. Just thinking about popcorn makes me want to puke.

Have you started to show yet: Fo' sho. Hoping to hear the heartbeat at my 10 week appointment just so that I can start telling people. I know it's early, though.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Still weepy

Looking forward to: I can't decide if I'm looking forward to my conference this week, or not. On one hand, it's Minneapolis, and it's going to be cold. Plus, it's Minneapolis. On the other hand, I can go to bed whenever I want. But then I think about how I have to leave my house at 3:30 in the morning to make it to the airport, and I'm unexcited all over again.

I Gots the Lazies

I didn't run on Tuesday because I left my house at 4AM to get to the airport. I didn't run on Thursday because I was still tired from the long day and short rest on Tuesday. I didn't run this morning, even though I had my gear all laid out, because I was in the middle of the best night of sleep I've had in weeks so I turned the alarm clock off.

Tomorrow. Running has to happen tomorrow. There are too many donuts that I want to eat at the pumpkin patch this weekend for it not to.

9 Weeks: Green Olives

It's Olive Week! Not only is my baby the size of an olive, but it's also no longer an embryo/ We have fetus status! It's like magic! Or biological development. One of the two. Engorgio!
















How far along: 9 weeks

Total weight gain: none, I'm back up to where I was when we started. I think. More accurately, I may be back to pre-marathon weight, because I lost a few pounds in there somewhere but I'm pretty sure I gained them back before I got pregnant.

Maternity clothes: Bella band is holding my pants up.

Stretch marks: Just the ones from speedwork. Damn them.

Sleep: Anxiety attacks don't make for good sleep. Neither do single-day work trips to DC and back.

Best moment of this week: Visiting Georgetown Cupcakes in DC :)

Miss anything: Pumpkin things, especially since it's fall. The thought of a pumpkin spice latte seriously makes me want to puke.

Exercise: Kettlebells and running. On Saturday things got uncomfortable when I dropped below 9 minute miles, so I'm going to look into a support band for down the road. Also stick to slower speeds, as hard as it is on my ego.

Movement: Nope. Olives don't dance.

Food cravings: Still on the carb kick, but also cheese and salty things. Ironically, green olives and croutons.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm having a problem where things sound really good and then I eat them and the next time I think about them my stomach feels ew. I'm running out of things to eat.

Have you started to show yet: Apparently I have, because I got two stranger comments at the conference today. Here's a comparison pic. This one was taken in the morning, I'm much huger by the end of the day. Goodbye, 6-pack abs! I hope to see you again soon one day.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: I cry. A lot. I cried multiple times today. Once on the plane when my ipod played Let it Be by The Beatles. Another time on the plane when First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes came on. A third time AT WORK when one of the panelists talked about the importance of breastfeeding and how amazing it was that she knew one woman who pumped and bottle-fed for an entire year. That was ME, yo! I did that! It was horrible and amazing all at once. The fourth time was when I had the privilege to meet one of the founders of MomsRising, one of my most favorite organizations of all-time. Really, if women and family issues are important to you,  then you NEED to know about this organization. I cried while I was shaking her hand and telling her how much I loved what they do and what they stand for and thanking her for being such an amazing advocate for us. It was embarrassing. Finally, I cried during lunch when the representative from Sesame Workshop played clips from the Sesame Street program about homelessness and food insecurity. It was ugly. The rest of the day was relatively tear-free :)

Looking forward to: Eating the cupcake I got at Georgetown Cupcake during a coffee date with a friend. Also, pumpkin picking this weekend, which means cider donuts and apple pie!

Wouldn't You Think

If someone comes up to you just to tell you that they made brownies over the weekend, wouldn't you think that they were telling you because they had brought said brownies to work to share? Why else would you plant that idea in someone's head?

Que Sera, Sera

So today I've been having some really awful cramps. Really. Awful. They scare me. To be fair, everything scares me, but these are different, because I don't know what's causing them. Is it normal growth and Ute stretching? Or is it Something Awful? There's really no way to know. You just have to wait it out. And this is the worst thing about having anxiety issues. The waiting.

Like the vast majority of our civilization, I have a love/hate with Dr. Google. I find myself scouring the search results for happy outcomes and then swearing off the internet forever after I find the one story among hundreds that doesn't end so happily. Same thing with my pregnancy message boards and the blogosphere. There's only so much reading I can do before I'm overwhelmed with negativity and have to step away.

I know that statistics are on my side. I'm 8 weeks, we've seen the heartbeat, it was within normal range - but there's always that what-if running through my head. C mentioned that he thinks my anxiety is worse this time than last time. I'm kind of in agreement with him at this point. My next OB appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. It's the day before I leave for a conference a few states away. I want to get down on my knees and beg and plead for a pity ultrasound, but I know that it's just a waste because the NT scan will be coming up a week or so later. Nothing I can do to change the outcome, anyway.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera

8 Weeks: Raspberries and Grapefruits

8 Weeks today, and my baby is the size of a raspberry.
Source

My boobs, however, are much larger. MUCH larger.
Source

Broke out the bigger over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders this week. (Bonus points if you name the movie!)

How far along: 8 weeks

Total weight gain: down a pound

Maternity clothes: Not yet, still too paranoid to buy anything except a bella band. Definitely need to do some shopping, as everything else I own is form-fitting and it's getting pretty obvious that I'm pregnant. Or fat.

Stretch marks: Just the ones from speedwork. Damn them.

Sleep: Going to bed at 9:00 is nice! Getting up at 4:45 to run is not.

Best moment of this week: Family photo shoot!

Miss anything: Coffee. I'm not anti-caffeine, but the smell and thought of hot coffee makes me want to puke.

Movement: Nope. Raspberries are pretty tiny.

Food cravings: Carbs, carbs, carbs. Last week I ate leftover chicken lo mein at 10:30 because it was the only thing that sounded good. I also made a meal out of rice and stuffing.

Anything making you queasy or sick: coffee and yogurt, my breakfast staples. Sad!

Have you started to show yet: I'm awfully bloated and I look pregnant. My SIL called me out over the weekend. Still a secret, but I'm running out of tent-like clothes to wear to work.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Cranky, crabby, pissy, whiny, you name it. And I cry about everything. EVERYTHING.

Looking forward to: Day trip to DC next Tuesday. I have just enough time between the end of the conference and my plane taking off that I can make it to Georgetown Cupcake or Ben and Jerry's. OR BOTH!!

Treadmill Running

So I mentioned before how difficult running has been for me. Mostly the crappy hills in my 'hood, but even a surprisingly exhausting route down a relatively flat straightaway. I think I've found the solution - and it lies with the Dreadmill.

When I started running, it didn't take me long to figure out that the treadmill sucked. It was boring and noisy and boring and lonely and boring. I avoided the treadmill like the plague. Then I realized that the treadmill had its place - it was PERFECT for speedwork! So twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'd hop on for a ride. Then I got pregnant and gave up on speedwork, because there's no racing in my future, anyway. And so the treadmill went untouched. But then after 3 weeks of absolutely horrible, lung-heaving, energy-sapping runs through my hood, I decided to plug it back in. And that's where I found my running solution.

The best thing about the treadmill is that I can watch TV while I run. The worst thing about the treadmill is that I can watch TV while I run. Do any of you watch Parenthood? The NBC drama on Tuesday nights? That's my guilty pleasure. It makes me tear up on a regular basis, even without the pregnancy hormones. Which is why my bloated ass was full-out sobbing, complete with tears dripping down my face and snot dripping from my nose, clomping along alone on the treadmill in the basement at 5:00 in the morning.

On Sunday morning, I comfortably passed the five mile mark. Ok, so 5 miles isn't that far, but it's been a while. Yay for the treadmill! Treadmill to the rescue! I've been able to keep up with running three times a week. Hopefully I'll be pounding the pavement again once this 1st tri laziness has passed.

Pregnancy Brain Sets in Quick

Last week I made an emergency trip to Target to pick up one of their Bella Band knock-offs. It's gotten to the point where I need to unzip my skirts late in the day because I can no longer breathe thanks to my bloat bump. (let alone the fact that I've actually lost two pounds)

I wore it twice... and then lost it. I have NO idea what happened to it. I tore the house, car, and office apart looking for it. I can't for the life of me figure out where in the hell I would have put the damn thing. Of course, this would be the day that I'll be working until 7 for a special event. I'm usually long into yoga pants by that point in the evening.

We Have a Bean!

If you know me from my "real" blog, you know that I'm not the praying type. I don't believe in one all-powerful almighty "thing." I don't know what I believe, as I've explained before. I believe in PEOPLE. I believe in family. I believe in the interaction of beings.

Yet, at times of high stress, anxiety, or emotional pain, I still occasionally find myself lying in bed praying. Praying to something. To what? No idea, but the picture in my head isn't of the slightly-scary bearded man that we learned about in CCD. I can't articulate who (or what) I'm praying to. It's just a whispered plea to the universe. Irrational, but comforting nonetheless. And that's where I found myself last night. Please, please, please, let there be something in there. And again in the waiting room, since they were running late and it was 10:30 before I was called back. Still again scooted on the end of the ultrasound table - at first she popped up a gigantic black hole of nothingness and said "well, there's your uterus!" and my heart stopped. And then she moved a fraction of a millimeter, and there it was.

One perfect bean, measuring exactly as expected, with a heart beating at 150BPM. Life is good.

Big Day

So today is the big ultrasound day. Actually, that's not really true. In the world of online pregnancy discussion boards, the term "big ultrasound" is reserved for the anatomy scan that women typically get at the 20-week mark. For many women, it's the one and only. Then there are people like me, who get themselves all worked up with anxiety. Thankfully my MW took pity on me and scheduled me for a little one this week.

My thought process forces me to plan for and expect the worst. That way, I can be pleasantly surprised when I receive good news. Is it a healthy way to do things? Probably not. Does it work for me? That's debatable.

I talked it over with some very wise girlfriends of mine, and the big takeaway was "that what is already IS. I can't change what has already happened, only deal with things as they are presented to me. I can't control everything, only my reaction to it."

Which makes sense. Really, it does. Spoken by one of the smartest women I know. However, I find myself stuck in thinking of my uterus as a Schrodinger box. And that's just weird.

I know that the statistics are on my side. I spent years working as a freaking statistician, for the love. I just can't apply the same logic to myself. Someone always has to be the statistic.

Anywho. I'm about to jump on the treadmill to run my worries away, and then I'll be working from Panera down the street from my OB office. I'm dying for some hazelnut cream cheese.