I'm Moving Back Home!

So it's been fun to lead this secret double-life over the past 13 weeks, but it's time I head back over to my regular blog. Please continue to follow me at The Original Bean!

Opinions are Like...

Well, you know the rest. And now I'll be singing Salt-N-Pepa in my head all day.

But really.

So I've been running while pregnant. My OB said that it was fine to continue. Actually, BOTH OBs said that. And a midwife. Not just "fine" to continue, but "recommended." And so I keep putting one foot in front of the other. A little bit more slowly, and with the introduction of walk breaks every mile or so to keep my breathing relatively normal. No more pushing up the big, steep hills.

Not only have I been cleared to keep running, but I've been cleared to train for and run the Pig, should my body cooperate. Of course, no decisions have been made yet, but I went for 7 miles on Sunday and could have gone longer. It was a good run. Except for the tiny nagging voice that has now crept into my head, courtesy of someone saying "oh, I had a friend who ran while they were pregnant and her baby died."

Thanks for that. WHY would you say that to someone? That, right there, is quite possibly the worst thing that you could say to someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder.

14 Weeks - Lemon Week

Lemons are fitting, since I've been chugging lemonade like nobody's business. I'm so bored of water.

How far along: 14 weeks

Total weight gain: A pound. Definitely a pound. Maybe two.

Maternity clothes: Finally felt safe enough to unpack and hang up all of my borrowed maternity clothes. I think I'll be moving over to the pants full-time next week. The shirts are still a little big, but only because they're 9 months worth of stretched out. Not sure what I'm going to do in the meantime, yet.

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: Getting better.

Best moment of this week: Ran 7 miles on Sunday! Also enjoyed some amazing cupcakes and a cup of Ben & Jerry's while I was in DC. But the BEST part was finding out that our test results were all normal and that we'll be having a girl. Charlie is so excited, he's been telling all of his teachers and friends.

Miss anything: Running really fast and drinking beer

Exercise: Switched it up this week and moved back to free weights. Still running, too.

Movement: 99% yes

Food cravings: Chips and dip

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing! I successfully drank an entire cup of non frou-frou coffee yesterday. Yum!

Have you started to show yet: Absolutely

Gender: Girl :)

Happy or moody most of the time: Cranky, as always

 

Looking forward to: Thanksgiving with the big family! Aunts and Uncle and Cousins and Sister and Grandma all coming out from New Jersey. It's always a total clusterfuck, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Results are In

I called the MT21 test company on Tuesday night to find out who I was supposed to get my results from. They told me that my OB would actually be the one to call me, and that my results would be to them to Thursday (today!). 42 hours including one incredibly sleepless night later, and I have the test results. All negative! I cried with relief while I was on the phone with the nurse. I had panic attacks all night worrying about all of the things that could be wrong. Barely slept a full 20 minutes. Of course, I had to leave my house at 4:00 this morning to get to the airport for my DC trip, so I'm absolutely exhausted. Had to go to dinner with our development team, which always ends up being a late night. I can't wait to go to sleep.

In addition to our stellar test results, we also found out what the sex of the baby is! The ultrasound tech was right at our NT scan last week. And since this blog is still a secret, I can say it here without the guilt that I haven't told the rest of the family yet...    We're having a GIRL! There are six grandkids between our families and they are ALL boys. I'm so excited that Charlie is going to have a little sister! I can't wait to tell him when I'm back in town on Saturday.

I also can't wait for the family to come for thanksgiving, because after the girl news is made public I'll be moving back to my old blog. I'm looking forward to sharing the news with everyone!

13 Weeks - Peach Week!

I love peaches. They're probably my absolute favorite fruit in existence.

How far along: 13 weeks

Total weight gain: I think a pound. Again, it swings wildly day-to-day

Maternity clothes: Realized that all of the maternity clothes I have are stretched out from 9 month bellies, so I picked up two new ones at Target. Still in my own pants/skirts, with bella band

Stretch marks: Not at this point

Sleep: Difficult, probably due to stress. I wake up a lot at night

Best moment of this week: Completing a 6 mile run on Sunday! More to come about that in another post. I'm also headed back to DC on Thursday, so hoping to sneak in a cupcake or a trip to Ben and Jerry's

Miss anything: Running really fast

Exercise: Still kettlebells and running. I'm getting bored with kettlebells and will probably be revisiting P90X soon. Also about to start a team for this year's Undie Run!

Movement: Still not sold on what I've felt or not felt

Food cravings: Cheetos

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still a no on coffee and  yogurt

Have you started to show yet: Absolutely

Gender: My "feeling" varies wildly. I'm so impatient about waiting for test results. I just want to know that the chromosome count is correct, but I'm also dying to know if the u/s tech was right or not

Happy or moody most of the time: Bitchy and teary. I cried this morning on the way to work and now I can't even remember why. Some song, it's probably a good thing I can't remember

 

Looking forward to: Test results from MaterniT21! Waiting for those so that we can tell Charlie. I can't wait to tell him!

NT Scan

We had our NT Scan done on Tuesday. The whole day was super stressful for me - voting in the morning, NT scan in the afternoon, the loooooooong wait for election results - but thankfully, we got good news on both counts. Our NT measurement was 1.1, anything under a 3 is considered good and low-risk. Baby Plum was bouncing around and waving. It looks so much different than it did 5 weeks ago. Human development is so cool. We did get a gender guess, but I've decided that I'm going to try to forget about it. It's very, very early, so it really could still go either way. I don't want to convince myself that it's something and then have to re-think everything if/when we find out it's the opposite. Either way, we should know before thanksgiving thanks to the MaternT21 test.




Supposedly, the results will be ready in 5-10 business days. I don't know how I'm going to wait that long.

We Did It!

Four More Years!

I'm so thankful that women are finally standing up and making their voices heard and taking a more active role in politics. We added FIVE women to the Senate! That's pretty amazing. We still have a long way to go, but progress is progress. Not only that, but we've also elected our first openly-gay Senator. Way to go, Wisconsin! And as if it couldn't get any better? Maine, Maryland, and Washington State voted to legalize gay marriage. I'm so, so thrilled for so many of my friends who have been waiting years to be able to marry their partners. Hopefully this is just the beginning for equal rights under the law.

It was a great night, but I'm really paying for it today because I stayed up so late. I honestly thought it was going to be a nail-biter, even with Nate Silver's (now-proven to be statistically robust!) projections. I was prepared to go the distance and wait up watching until the wee hours of the morning, but there was no need.

Even today, I'm still jumping for joy inside. I hope that this is a sign that people are starting to recognize that treating each other equally and with respect really is a good goal to work toward.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

12 Weeks - Plum

I want to like plums. I really do. I love the inside of them, but I can't get past the weird flavor of the peel. It's not really sour, I can't put my finger on exactly what the issue is, it just has a weird bite to it that I just don't like.

How far along: 12 weeks

Total weight gain: Maybe a pound? Not really sure. It swings wildly day-to-day

Maternity clothes: Got a ton of clothes from friends and co-workers! Yay for the maternity clothing swap cycle. Unfortunately, most of it is a little too big for me, still. I may be making a trip to target this week.

Stretch marks: Not at this point.

Sleep: Probably not a good question today, as I was up waaaaaaaaaay past my bedtime watching Obama win the election!

Best moment of this week: Peppermint Mochas and the NT Scan we had yesterday. More about that tomorrow!

Miss anything: Liquor, especially after the election stress of yesterday

Exercise: Kettlebells and running. Finally starting to get back into the swing of things. Went for an outdoor run yesterday morning just for a change of pace, and remembered that treadmill running doesn't equal sidewalk running. I thought I was going to die. I did, however, get the all clear from the OB to attempt marathon training.

Movement: Not sure. I think maybe, once, but I wouldn't swear to it.

Food cravings: I've moved to the real junk cereals this week - Cookie Crisp.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Slowly improving, but yogurt is still a no-go

Have you started to show yet: Yes, but not flaunting it yet

Gender: I have a "feeling," and we got a guess at the NT Scan yesterday. Either way, we'll know in about 10 days

Happy or moody most of the time: Still rather pissy and very weepy. I cried a lot yesterday, mostly about the election. Cried again in my car this morning while they talked about the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and how people lined up in the freezing cold and dark just to cast their votes

 

Looking forward to: Waiting impatiently for the results of the MateniT21 test. It's going to be a long 10 days.

Happy Election Day!

I'm coming to you from the swingiest of swing states. And I don't mean like THAT, I mean like Ohio - the land where they inundate you with campaign ads on TV, on the radio, lawn signs lining the road, mailboxes stuffed full of mailers - THAT kind of swing state.

I'm losing my ever-loving mind. There's so much at stake these days in terms of women's rights and basic human rights, in general. Keeping the government out of our uteri, and all that jazz. Four years ago I had a 12 week old baby. I dressed him up with an Obama sticker, took him to the polls, and dropped him off at daycare while I went to work to earn a paycheck, like so many millions of other women do. I came home that night and stayed up late to watch Jon Stewart and Colbert call the election. It was so exciting. Once it became clear that Obama was going to earn the 270 electoral votes that he needed to secure the Presidency, the phone calls started. I celebrated with friends and family members from all over the country. It was incredible - we had taken a huge step forward.

I hope that we can do it again, today. Sure, the economy is still not as robust as it was in 2007. But, we had a huge hole to climb out of, and we're slowly but surely working our way up. I sound idealistic and naive? Ok, but my husband was laid off as a result of the economic crash - so I'm not saying that from a place of untouchable privilege. We had to adjust to a different standard of living and figure out how to manage without that portion of our household income. But we did it - that's one of the reasons I've always been happy to be a working mom. I knew that there could come a time when I would need to support my family, and I wanted to make sure that I could do it. And to be fair, the husband sure made the most out of it. He started his own business, something that he had always wanted to do, and it has been largely successful. And I do recognize that not everyone has that option - not everyone has the knowledge, the expertise, the second income that makes it possible to live that kind of dream. But not everyone has the option to "borrow money from (their) parents," either, as one candidate suggested during a campaign event.

More importantly, I hope that we can recognize that women's rights are incredibly important and that the government has no business dicking around in our personal business. My contraceptive choice is my business, my reproductive choice is my business, and my hot-button issue has nothing to do with getting home early enough in the evening to make dinner for my family. Moms (women!) need support - we need supportive employment policies, allowances for time to pump breastmilk for our babies, affordable childcare and healthcare options. We need to be recognized as economic and intellectual equals - we need to be paid the same as a man doing the equivalent job. We need to not be penalized or "mommy-tracked" for producing the next generation of humanity. We need to stop the mommy wars, too - stay-at-home-moms and working moms need to come together to make sure that we are all treated fairly and that we all have access to the basic needs of our families. No one should have to choose between feeding their family and getting medical care, and it's a sad state of affairs that so many people do.

And so for those reasons, as well as so many others that I couldn't possibly find the time to blog about, I cast my vote for the Obama/Biden ticket. I want four more years of a party that will fight for what is right and what is just. Four more years of progress, four more years of fairness, and four more years of helping to protect and care for those who need it most. I'm so thankful that we're able to fully support our families, and I have no problem helping to support programs who help others in need.

Now I'm going to hibernate under the bed until the results start to roll in. Poke me when it's safe to come out!

I Don't Even Know Me Anymore!

In the past 24 hours I've become a different person.

I had a luncheon meeting yesterday and the lunch was SO horrible. Just disgusting. Mayo-covered turkey sandwiches, limp veggies, and the worst cookies ever. Seriously. So I went home hungry. SO hungry. And thanks to my friend Rachel, I've been craving Sweet Tea. She swears that McDonald's has the best. So I sold my soul and hit up the drive-thru on the way home. I felt so dirty sitting in that line. I figured - while I'm already compromising my integrity, I may as well get fries, too! So I did. Unfortunately, the Sweet Tea did not live up to my expectations. Neither did the fries.

 

 

Second, I've been disloyal to my beloved Dunkin Donuts. I still can't drink regular coffee. Tried and failed last weekend. Tried and failed yesterday. So I've been visiting the dark side - the dreaded Starbucks. But not just ANY Starbucks coffee will do. Just the Salted Caramel Mocha, again something that I was peer pressured into by a friend :)

 

 

So last night Charlie had a sleepover with his grandma. The pickup location was originally Panera, but as I drove down the road I remembered that there was a Starbucks just a little farther up, and the Salted Caramel Mocha started calling my name. When I arrived, however, I was met with the sign-board annoucement that the PEPPERMINT MOCHAS had returned!! And this was the best news, ever. I LOVE Peppermint Mochas.

I feel dirty, but it was absolutely every bit as good as it looks. All $3.75 of it.

11 Weeks: Mojito Time!

I've been craving mojitos since the day before I found out I was pregnant. Should have just waited to POAS until after the weekend ;)

How far along: 11 weeks

Total weight gain: None

Maternity clothes: Bella band, but I desperately need to go shopping. I don't want to stretch out my clothes.

Stretch marks: Not at this point.

Sleep: I don't sleep well when I'm out of town, and then I didn't get home until after midnight on Saturday so I'm still playing catch-up.

Best moment of this week: Good question, it was a very long week. Mostly thanks to the travel. I'm going to go with the Salted Caramel Lattes that they sold at the convention center. Those were A.MA.ZING

Miss anything: Beer

Exercise: Kettlebells and running. It was another lazy weekend because of travel and tiredness. That and the Charlies are sick, so there's been a lot of laying around hoping I don't catch it. My throat is awfully scratchy, though, so it may be too late.

Movement: Nope. Just gas. Which feels the same way.

Food cravings: Let's just say I shouldn't be allowed to shop anymore. I went to Target for the Ghostbusters movie and came home with Life Cereal. Went to Whole Foods for carrots and an onion and came out with pizza for lunch and a bag of the WF equivalent of Golden Grahams.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still can't do leftovers. Poor husband slaved over 40 Cloves and a Chicken on Sunday - I ate it and enjoyed it that evening, but just the thought of eating it again last night made me gag.

Have you started to show yet: Yes, but still trying to hide it at work

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Cranky. Constantly.

Looking forward to: NT Scan next Tuesday! I can't wait to see the Blob again and get the screening results. Hoping that we'll be all set to share with everyone after that. The flip side is that it's also Election Day, which has my anxiety all kinds of ramped up. I'm skeered!

Traveling Blues

I'm out of town for a work conference right now, and not exactly having the time of my life. For starters, I had to leave my house at 3:30 to get to the airport on time. Why so early? The airport I had to fly out of is 2 hours from my house. Why so far? If I flew from the airport closer to my house, I'd be stuck in Minneapolis until Sunday. This was the only way I could get home on Saturday night.

So I left at 3:30 and made the long ass drive. First flight was fine, uneventful, had the whole row to myself to stretch out. Second flight (Detroit to St. Paul) was a train wreck. I had the pleasure of being on a flight with about 100 members of a 55+ travel group headed to Hawaii. Good for them! Except... they couldn't hear the flight attendant's instructions so everything took forever and was delayed. Not just because of the 55+ issue, but because they were worse than a bunch of high schoolers! All giggly and rambunctious and LOUD. It was annoying, but they looked like they were having fun, so I tried to just let it go. It was difficult because I was starving! I only had 15 minutes between flights and the lines at the food places were way too long.

The flight itself finally started, and I thought I was good to go. Not so much. The weather conditions were horrible, so we were bouncing and bumping around the entire time. I've never puked on a plane, but I came very close. Probably because I had an empty stomach. We finally landed in one piece and it took 45 minutes to get OFF the plane, again thanks to the giant travel group. Oh well. At least I got some of those awesome Delta Biscoff cookies.

I used the conference guide to get on the Light Rail, which was fine, except that they neglected to print the directions to the center from the light rail stop. I had a handy dandy map, but it took me a while to find a street sign and then longer to figure out which way the streets were going. All the while, it's 30 degrees and freaking SNOWING. It's a freakish 80 degrees back home, and I'm getting snowed on. Minneapolis is connected by Skyways, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out where an entrance was. I was also accosted by some crazy guy in the street yelling at an invisible foe. It was special.

Finally found my way into the Skyway, but holy cow it's like a freaking corn maze. It took me forever to find my way to the hotel, and when I got there they didn't have the room ready yet, even though I was promised early check-in. At this point, I had been up for 9 hours and eaten four cookies and a fruit leather. I bailed on the first set of conference sessions and enjoyed the tastiest chicken salad bagel sandwich EVER. Plus chips. It was the best tasting food on earth.

Thanks to the hotel issue, I attended the afternoon sessions in yoga pants and my formal coat. Now I'm back in my hotel room on a break, and I need to get dressed. All I want to do is nap, but I had a cup of coffee to warm me up about an hour ago so of course I'm wired. (but it was a salted caramel latte. and it was really freaking tasty. totally worth it)

ANDPLUSALSO, one of the sessions that I really should be at is from 7:15-8:45 this evening. Central Time. WAY past my bedtime. WHO MADE THIS SCHEDULE??

OB Follow-Up

So I had my 10-week appointment with the new OB. I'm not sure how I feel about them. I thought I did a decent amount of research - looked at websites, looked at credentials, asked for recommendations - but I don't know how I feel about this practice. It's a bigger practice, multiple OBs and CNMs, and I only met with one of the OBs, but still. He was nice enough, I just felt like he was incredibly dismissive of my anxiety concerns and somewhat judgemental on some other issues I brought up. I scheduled my NT Scan and the MaterniT21 draw with them for 2 weeks out, but I don't know if I'll continue seeing them or not. I know I need to figure it out before I get too deep into this pregnancy, but I feel like I should at least try the other location and see if I like the rest of the staff any better.

They didn't check for a heartbeat, which I was kind of expecting, since we're only 10 weeks in. I'm impatient, though, and I've been searching since week 8. I finally found it last night! At first I wasn't sure because it was kind of blending in the background of my own, but they were definitely two distinct heartbeats, and C heard it, too, so I know I'm not just imagining things. Whee!

10 Weeks: The Prune

Yay for... prunes? Really, nest? Couldn't have thought of a more attractive comparison?

How far along: 10 weeks

Total weight gain: still none, I think. Now I can't remember where I started, but I'm 99% sure that the first three numbers are still the same.

Maternity clothes: Bella band still holding my pants up, plus I got a ton of clothes from a very sweet friend of mine to get me through until I feel "safe" enough to buy my own. I've never seen that many pairs of maternity jeans in one place outside of a store.

Stretch marks: Not at this point.

Sleep: I stayed out until 10:30 on Saturday night while I was out with friends. It was awesome.

Best moment of this week: The aforementioned GNO! We had dinner at one of my favorite Italian places - they have the best cheesy garlic bread and the Ricotta Fritter dessert is amazing. Yum!

Miss anything: Coffee and yogurt, still. I've moved on to yogurt smoothies so that I can still get the "Live, Active Cultures." If that doesn't sound appetizing, I don't know what does.

Exercise: Nothing new, just continuing with the Kettlebells and the running. Did have a lazy week, last week, but ran on Saturday (mostly so I could justify stuffing my face at dinner), yesterday, and will run tomorrow morning. There's a "Fun Run" at the conference I'm heading to this week, as well.

Movement: Prunes don't have the moves, either.

Food cravings: Cap'N Crunch Berries and bagel sandwiches. I'm annoyed that husband shared my CNCB with the kid. Those were MINE!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything sounds like crap the second time I eat it. Just thinking about popcorn makes me want to puke.

Have you started to show yet: Fo' sho. Hoping to hear the heartbeat at my 10 week appointment just so that I can start telling people. I know it's early, though.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Still weepy

Looking forward to: I can't decide if I'm looking forward to my conference this week, or not. On one hand, it's Minneapolis, and it's going to be cold. Plus, it's Minneapolis. On the other hand, I can go to bed whenever I want. But then I think about how I have to leave my house at 3:30 in the morning to make it to the airport, and I'm unexcited all over again.

I Gots the Lazies

I didn't run on Tuesday because I left my house at 4AM to get to the airport. I didn't run on Thursday because I was still tired from the long day and short rest on Tuesday. I didn't run this morning, even though I had my gear all laid out, because I was in the middle of the best night of sleep I've had in weeks so I turned the alarm clock off.

Tomorrow. Running has to happen tomorrow. There are too many donuts that I want to eat at the pumpkin patch this weekend for it not to.

9 Weeks: Green Olives

It's Olive Week! Not only is my baby the size of an olive, but it's also no longer an embryo/ We have fetus status! It's like magic! Or biological development. One of the two. Engorgio!
















How far along: 9 weeks

Total weight gain: none, I'm back up to where I was when we started. I think. More accurately, I may be back to pre-marathon weight, because I lost a few pounds in there somewhere but I'm pretty sure I gained them back before I got pregnant.

Maternity clothes: Bella band is holding my pants up.

Stretch marks: Just the ones from speedwork. Damn them.

Sleep: Anxiety attacks don't make for good sleep. Neither do single-day work trips to DC and back.

Best moment of this week: Visiting Georgetown Cupcakes in DC :)

Miss anything: Pumpkin things, especially since it's fall. The thought of a pumpkin spice latte seriously makes me want to puke.

Exercise: Kettlebells and running. On Saturday things got uncomfortable when I dropped below 9 minute miles, so I'm going to look into a support band for down the road. Also stick to slower speeds, as hard as it is on my ego.

Movement: Nope. Olives don't dance.

Food cravings: Still on the carb kick, but also cheese and salty things. Ironically, green olives and croutons.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm having a problem where things sound really good and then I eat them and the next time I think about them my stomach feels ew. I'm running out of things to eat.

Have you started to show yet: Apparently I have, because I got two stranger comments at the conference today. Here's a comparison pic. This one was taken in the morning, I'm much huger by the end of the day. Goodbye, 6-pack abs! I hope to see you again soon one day.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: I cry. A lot. I cried multiple times today. Once on the plane when my ipod played Let it Be by The Beatles. Another time on the plane when First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes came on. A third time AT WORK when one of the panelists talked about the importance of breastfeeding and how amazing it was that she knew one woman who pumped and bottle-fed for an entire year. That was ME, yo! I did that! It was horrible and amazing all at once. The fourth time was when I had the privilege to meet one of the founders of MomsRising, one of my most favorite organizations of all-time. Really, if women and family issues are important to you,  then you NEED to know about this organization. I cried while I was shaking her hand and telling her how much I loved what they do and what they stand for and thanking her for being such an amazing advocate for us. It was embarrassing. Finally, I cried during lunch when the representative from Sesame Workshop played clips from the Sesame Street program about homelessness and food insecurity. It was ugly. The rest of the day was relatively tear-free :)

Looking forward to: Eating the cupcake I got at Georgetown Cupcake during a coffee date with a friend. Also, pumpkin picking this weekend, which means cider donuts and apple pie!

Wouldn't You Think

If someone comes up to you just to tell you that they made brownies over the weekend, wouldn't you think that they were telling you because they had brought said brownies to work to share? Why else would you plant that idea in someone's head?

Que Sera, Sera

So today I've been having some really awful cramps. Really. Awful. They scare me. To be fair, everything scares me, but these are different, because I don't know what's causing them. Is it normal growth and Ute stretching? Or is it Something Awful? There's really no way to know. You just have to wait it out. And this is the worst thing about having anxiety issues. The waiting.

Like the vast majority of our civilization, I have a love/hate with Dr. Google. I find myself scouring the search results for happy outcomes and then swearing off the internet forever after I find the one story among hundreds that doesn't end so happily. Same thing with my pregnancy message boards and the blogosphere. There's only so much reading I can do before I'm overwhelmed with negativity and have to step away.

I know that statistics are on my side. I'm 8 weeks, we've seen the heartbeat, it was within normal range - but there's always that what-if running through my head. C mentioned that he thinks my anxiety is worse this time than last time. I'm kind of in agreement with him at this point. My next OB appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. It's the day before I leave for a conference a few states away. I want to get down on my knees and beg and plead for a pity ultrasound, but I know that it's just a waste because the NT scan will be coming up a week or so later. Nothing I can do to change the outcome, anyway.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera

8 Weeks: Raspberries and Grapefruits

8 Weeks today, and my baby is the size of a raspberry.
Source

My boobs, however, are much larger. MUCH larger.
Source

Broke out the bigger over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders this week. (Bonus points if you name the movie!)

How far along: 8 weeks

Total weight gain: down a pound

Maternity clothes: Not yet, still too paranoid to buy anything except a bella band. Definitely need to do some shopping, as everything else I own is form-fitting and it's getting pretty obvious that I'm pregnant. Or fat.

Stretch marks: Just the ones from speedwork. Damn them.

Sleep: Going to bed at 9:00 is nice! Getting up at 4:45 to run is not.

Best moment of this week: Family photo shoot!

Miss anything: Coffee. I'm not anti-caffeine, but the smell and thought of hot coffee makes me want to puke.

Movement: Nope. Raspberries are pretty tiny.

Food cravings: Carbs, carbs, carbs. Last week I ate leftover chicken lo mein at 10:30 because it was the only thing that sounded good. I also made a meal out of rice and stuffing.

Anything making you queasy or sick: coffee and yogurt, my breakfast staples. Sad!

Have you started to show yet: I'm awfully bloated and I look pregnant. My SIL called me out over the weekend. Still a secret, but I'm running out of tent-like clothes to wear to work.

Gender: No idea. No guesses.

Happy or moody most of the time: Cranky, crabby, pissy, whiny, you name it. And I cry about everything. EVERYTHING.

Looking forward to: Day trip to DC next Tuesday. I have just enough time between the end of the conference and my plane taking off that I can make it to Georgetown Cupcake or Ben and Jerry's. OR BOTH!!

Treadmill Running

So I mentioned before how difficult running has been for me. Mostly the crappy hills in my 'hood, but even a surprisingly exhausting route down a relatively flat straightaway. I think I've found the solution - and it lies with the Dreadmill.

When I started running, it didn't take me long to figure out that the treadmill sucked. It was boring and noisy and boring and lonely and boring. I avoided the treadmill like the plague. Then I realized that the treadmill had its place - it was PERFECT for speedwork! So twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'd hop on for a ride. Then I got pregnant and gave up on speedwork, because there's no racing in my future, anyway. And so the treadmill went untouched. But then after 3 weeks of absolutely horrible, lung-heaving, energy-sapping runs through my hood, I decided to plug it back in. And that's where I found my running solution.

The best thing about the treadmill is that I can watch TV while I run. The worst thing about the treadmill is that I can watch TV while I run. Do any of you watch Parenthood? The NBC drama on Tuesday nights? That's my guilty pleasure. It makes me tear up on a regular basis, even without the pregnancy hormones. Which is why my bloated ass was full-out sobbing, complete with tears dripping down my face and snot dripping from my nose, clomping along alone on the treadmill in the basement at 5:00 in the morning.

On Sunday morning, I comfortably passed the five mile mark. Ok, so 5 miles isn't that far, but it's been a while. Yay for the treadmill! Treadmill to the rescue! I've been able to keep up with running three times a week. Hopefully I'll be pounding the pavement again once this 1st tri laziness has passed.

Pregnancy Brain Sets in Quick

Last week I made an emergency trip to Target to pick up one of their Bella Band knock-offs. It's gotten to the point where I need to unzip my skirts late in the day because I can no longer breathe thanks to my bloat bump. (let alone the fact that I've actually lost two pounds)

I wore it twice... and then lost it. I have NO idea what happened to it. I tore the house, car, and office apart looking for it. I can't for the life of me figure out where in the hell I would have put the damn thing. Of course, this would be the day that I'll be working until 7 for a special event. I'm usually long into yoga pants by that point in the evening.

We Have a Bean!

If you know me from my "real" blog, you know that I'm not the praying type. I don't believe in one all-powerful almighty "thing." I don't know what I believe, as I've explained before. I believe in PEOPLE. I believe in family. I believe in the interaction of beings.

Yet, at times of high stress, anxiety, or emotional pain, I still occasionally find myself lying in bed praying. Praying to something. To what? No idea, but the picture in my head isn't of the slightly-scary bearded man that we learned about in CCD. I can't articulate who (or what) I'm praying to. It's just a whispered plea to the universe. Irrational, but comforting nonetheless. And that's where I found myself last night. Please, please, please, let there be something in there. And again in the waiting room, since they were running late and it was 10:30 before I was called back. Still again scooted on the end of the ultrasound table - at first she popped up a gigantic black hole of nothingness and said "well, there's your uterus!" and my heart stopped. And then she moved a fraction of a millimeter, and there it was.

One perfect bean, measuring exactly as expected, with a heart beating at 150BPM. Life is good.

Big Day

So today is the big ultrasound day. Actually, that's not really true. In the world of online pregnancy discussion boards, the term "big ultrasound" is reserved for the anatomy scan that women typically get at the 20-week mark. For many women, it's the one and only. Then there are people like me, who get themselves all worked up with anxiety. Thankfully my MW took pity on me and scheduled me for a little one this week.

My thought process forces me to plan for and expect the worst. That way, I can be pleasantly surprised when I receive good news. Is it a healthy way to do things? Probably not. Does it work for me? That's debatable.

I talked it over with some very wise girlfriends of mine, and the big takeaway was "that what is already IS. I can't change what has already happened, only deal with things as they are presented to me. I can't control everything, only my reaction to it."

Which makes sense. Really, it does. Spoken by one of the smartest women I know. However, I find myself stuck in thinking of my uterus as a Schrodinger box. And that's just weird.

I know that the statistics are on my side. I spent years working as a freaking statistician, for the love. I just can't apply the same logic to myself. Someone always has to be the statistic.

Anywho. I'm about to jump on the treadmill to run my worries away, and then I'll be working from Panera down the street from my OB office. I'm dying for some hazelnut cream cheese.

6 Week Appointment

I had my first OB appointment this week. Well, kind of. My current OB/GYN recently dropped the OB services, so I'm being forced to leave my comfortable cocoon and start all over again with a new practice. Thankfully, the current place doesn't want to send patients out into the unknown before they confirm that the pregnancy is viable, so I had an appointment with one of their midwives - the one who delivered Charlie. It was a talking appointment, so there wasn't too much excitement going on. We did discuss the OCD issue and talked about how that could be managed without having to go back on medication in the third trimester like I did last time around. The first step in that direction was to schedule me for an ultrasound so that we can make sure there's actually something growing in there. That happens next Tuesday. I'll be 7 weeks exactly, so there should be a heartbeat but not much else. She said that if I waited until 8 weeks then we'd see something that more clearly represents a baby, but I think for my sanity the sooner the better. They gave me a short list of practices that they were referring out to, and I went down the list and visited websites and made some phone calls and found one who offered the MaterniT21 test. It's a relatively new test, but it's non-invasive and the research suggests that it's an effective screening text for the three big trisomy disorders. I think that having the test done will definitely help with the anxiety issues. Most of what cropped up toward the end were the whole "what if they missed something?!" thoughts. I originally went into trying for baby #2 intending to have the CVS test done, but after reading the risks and benefits Charlie talked me out of it. We'll revisit that if any of the screening tests come back questionable. I have my first appointment with the new practice at 10 weeks, and they'll order the test at that point. I still plan to have the NT Scan done, since that will also reveal any structural issues. The more information, the less anxious I'll be. Right? RIGHT?!?! After that's all over and done with, I can go public :)

Sucking Wind

This whole running during pregnancy thing is proving to be a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. When I run in the mornings while it's still dark, I really only feel safe sticking to my own, well-lit neighborhood. The sidewalk network is one continuous loop that totals 2.7 miles. I've been running that loop for what feels like forever. It's boring, but it's relatively safe, so I suck it up.

I live at the bottom of a hill. Not a super long hill, only about .4 miles. I measured it with my Garmin once. When you get to the top, there's a .1 mile flat section, then a long downhill broken up by a cul-de-sac, followed by a long uphill. About .6 miles. A little more up and down, another cul-de-sac, and then a steep downhill that you then have to run right back up. Like I said, I've been running this loop for a long time. And I mean RUNNING it. The hills have been great for increasing strength and endurance.

Now? I can barely make it up the first hill without stopping for a walk break. I'm whipped by the top. And the second, longer hill? Forget it. I've been throwing in the towel halfway up. I keep trying to make it "just one more house!" It's just not happening. I feel like a fish out of water. I never thought it would be this difficult to run 3 miles. I've also been running garmin-less, because I really have no desire to see how slow I'm going ;)

I hope things get better in the next few weeks.

A So Sad Food Aversion

Food aversions. Good times. Last time around it was eggs - the very smell of Charlie cooking eggs was enough to send me running to the bathroom. They were normal eggs, but they smelled soooooooo bad. I was kind of interested to see if I would have the same experience this time around. Well, I do - but with a food that's much closer to my heart. I don't know how I'm going to make it through.

I'm half Italian. Never mind the fact that I'm blond-haired and blue-eyed and have a very French sounding name - I'm mostly Italian. I eat a lot of Italian food - pastas, gnocchis, sauces, pancetta - and cheese. Oh god, the cheese! I love Asiago and Pecorino and I've been known to eat grated Parmigiano-Reggiano by the spoonful. But my favorite has always been Mozzarella. More specifically, GOOD Mozzarella, the kind that you can only find in NYC and Jersey. The kind that comes in a braid or a ball sitting in its own personal salt bath. Whole Foods has an acceptable alternative - they sell shooter marble-sized balls of mozz in the aforementioned brine. Charlie is a very Mediterranean preschooler and often takes a container of cheese along with a container of cherry tomatoes for lunch. He refers to it as "Ball Cheese," however many times the husband tries to get him to call it something else.

Anyway.

Last weekend I bought a container on our weekly shopping trip, as I always do. When we came home it was lunchtime, so I opened it up to snack on a few. It smelled so bad! I tried to get the husband to smell it, but he refused. I'm never sure if I can trust my sniffer, so I took a little bite and promptly spit it back out. I cursed WF for selling me rotten, nasty cheese. I mean really, the expiration date was still a week away! I marched back down there to return it a few days later. Came home, opened the container, and was met with the same horrible smell. Took a nibble - same horrible taste. Husband and son both say it smells and tastes just fine to them. AYFKM? Of all the things to have an aversion to, I get stuck with Mozzarella? Really? REALLY? And right before my trip to Jersey, too. *pouts*

Holy Bloat, Batman!

I forgot all about the early bloating. I swear, by the time I get home from work I look 4 months pregnant. I definitely won't be wearing my black dress anytime soon, at least not until the pregnancy is deemed healthy and we spread the news. I'm sure it would just cause speculation.


But really, how do I go from this:                              to this:

in a matter of weeks?

Part of me is really going to miss my sweet abs ;)

If I remember correctly, the initial bloat went away around 7 weeks into pregnancy. Of course, then it all came roaring back in the form of a baby, but at least by that point it was safe to tell people and I didn't have to worry about trying to hide the squishiness.

Keep on Running Till the World Ends

Back in the day when I was super active on a Health and Fitness message board, there was a poll about running playlists. Someone mentioned the Dancing Till the World Ends song by Britney Spears, but said that when they sang along in their head they would always sing "Running Till the World Ends" instead. I went and downloaded that song and found it to be incredibly catchy - bonus that it has a great beat for speedwork.

I have no plan to stop running (or kettlebell training, but that's a different post!) during pregnancy. In fact, my (potentially unreachable) goal is to stay in good enough shape that I'll be able to participate in some way in the 2013 15th Annual Flying Pig next May, when I'll be about 37 weeks along.

The general rule of thumb when it comes to exercise is to not start anything new. Luckily for me, I've been running regularly for a while now. In fact, I ran the day before I got my BFP and two days after. I also ran yesterday morning and will go out again tomorrow morning. Have to take advantage of this amazing fall weather while I can! I'm not running long right now, mostly due to the fact that it's really dark when I run before work and I'm wary of straying outside of my well-lit neighborhood. When I have my first OB appointment in a few weeks, I'll definitely ask what they think is the upper limit for mileage. It would be fun to run/walk a half marathon - I see pregnant women out on the courses all the time. Then there's the girl who "ran" the Chicago Marathon at 39 weeks - that's hardcore. I would LOVE to be in that good of shape at the end of this pregnancy.

To be honest, I'm more concerned with running while breastfeeding. Nursing boobs are no effing joke.


(source)

Why am I Here? And Not There?

One of the things that I regret most about my "real" blog is that I made it not-so-anonymous. At the beginning, the intent was to keep my widespread family members up-to-date on pregnancy happenings without having to spend hours and hours on the phone updating them one-by-one about appointments and how I'm feeling. I have a very big family and they like to talk. A lot. That was all fine and good, but then I realized that I actually LIKED blogging, and that I had a whole lot of stuff that I wanted to share with the world (whether or not anyone really cared to hear about it is another issue, altogether). But it was too late, and so I continue on my not-really-anonymous blog. In all reality, most of my family members have forgotten that it exists, and I'm 100% ok with that. However, in the off chance that they happen to pop in (as they have been known to do), I'm starting this temporary blog over here so that I can talk about the latest excitement going on in my life - I'm pregnant! Again!


Well will you look at that...




Being the paranoid, anxiety-ridden, OCD mess that I am, I'm not interested in announcing my knocked-up-ed-ness to the whole world at this point. I love my family dearly, but I'm too paranoid and worried about all of the what-ifs to want to spread the news far and wide just yet. So this is where I will leave my thoughts, all of the things that I wish I had written down when I was pregnant with my first but didn't, because I didn't want anyone to know. And when (if) I pass that magical time known as the first trimester and the screening tests show that all is (likely) well, then this blog will come to an end, and I will move everything back over where it belongs, on my real Blog Home. So join me, now, and then follow me back, later.